Tired of the Daily Battles? How I Rewired Our Power Struggles for Peace

This is a guest post by my friend Amanda Schenkenberger at HomeschoolFamilyLegacy.com.

Make sure to click over to her website where she shares practical tips and helpful resources for the everyday struggles we face as homeschool moms!

There was a time I wasn’t sure if my son and I would ever have a typically loving mother-son relationship.

When he was around 7-9 years old, we hit one of the hardest seasons of our homeschool journey. Every single day felt like a battle. It didn’t matter if it was school, chores, or how he handled a situation with his brothers—he pushed back on everything. I tried reasoning. I tried stacking up the consequences. I even tried giving him space, thinking maybe he just needed a little breathing room.

But nothing worked.

Then one day, in the middle of yet another argument, he looked me straight in the eye and said,

“My mind hates you.”

I can’t even describe the heartbreak those words brought.

I had always known parenting would be hard, but I never expected to feel like my child and I were on opposite sides. I never thought I’d be standing in my kitchen, staring at my son, wondering if we’d ever have the close relationship I had dreamed of.

This wasn’t just about getting him to do his schoolwork or listen the first time. Something deeper was broken between us. And I didn’t know how to fix it.

Why “Just Stop Fighting” Doesn’t Work

If you’ve ever been caught in a power struggle with your child, you’ve probably had that moment where you think:

"I just need to stop reacting."

"I need to stay calm."

"I need to pick my battles."

And while those are great intentions, they don’t actually fix the problem—because they don’t change how your brain (or your child’s brain) is wired.

Every time my son and I locked horns, we were reinforcing a pattern.

He would push back.

• I would react with frustration.
• He would shut down or lash out.
• I would feel exhausted, hurt, and defeated.
• And the cycle would start all over again.

It wasn’t just a bad habit. It was a well-worn neural pathway—a mental shortcut that both of our brains were following over and over again.

Think of it like a hiking trail.

The more you walk a path, the clearer and more automatic it becomes. Your brain is constantly trying to make things more efficient, so it strengthens the paths you use the most. And this? This power struggle was a well-worn trail in both of our brains.

That’s why simply deciding to stop reacting didn’t work.

To break free from power struggles, we had to create a new path—a new way of communicating that led to understanding instead of frustration.

How Scripts Help You Carve a New Neural Pathway

When emotions are running high, your brain isn’t in problem-solving mode.

It’s in fight-or-flight mode.

That’s why, in the heat of the moment, it’s hard to think clearly. You’re not calmly analyzing the situation—you’re reacting. And that’s exactly why scripts are so powerful. They don’t just give you ideas for how to communicate better—they actually interrupt the automatic response cycle and give you a new script to follow instead.

It’s like stepping off the old, worn-down hiking trail and choosing to walk a brand-new path. At first, it feels unfamiliar. You have to remind yourself to take that new route. But the more you do it, the easier it becomes.

Download the Stop the Struggle Scripts here

These free scripts will give you the exact words to say when you feel yourself getting frustrated, helping you break the cycle and create new patterns in your relationship.

What This Looked Like in My Home

Back to my son.

I knew I had to change how I was responding. I had to stop reacting in frustration and start listening.Instead of saying, “Stop pushing your brother!” I started using one of the scripts:

"Hey, I saw what happened. Tell me what you were trying to do."

This simple shift did two things:

1. It gave him a chance to explain himself instead of getting defensive.
2. It helped me understand his perspective—which was often completely different from what I had assumed.

And little by little, something started to change.

The tension between us began to fade.

We weren’t stuck in that automatic battle anymore.

He felt heard. I felt calmer. And over time, our relationship began to heal.

The power struggles didn’t magically disappear overnight, but we were no longer stuck in them.

Want to Go Even Deeper?

The way we communicate with our kids matters—but what if we could go beyond just stopping power struggles?

What if we could actually unlock their natural motivation so that they want to do what needs to be done—without nagging, arguing, or bribing?

That’s exactly what I teach in the Creating Motivation in Our Kids Masterclass.

In this masterclass, you’ll learn:

• Why kids resist (hint: it’s not just because they’re being difficult) 
• How to flip the script and turn pushback into cooperation 
• Practical, science-backed strategies to inspire motivation in your homeschool

Normally $47, but when you grab the Stop the Struggle Scripts, you can get the full masterclass for just $27.

👉 Download your free scripts here and unlock this exclusive offer.

You Don’t Have to Stay Stuck in the Struggle

I know how exhausting it is to feel like every day is a battle. To wonder if your relationship with your child is slipping away. To feel like nothing you do is working.

But I promise—there is a way forward.

It starts with small shifts in communication, and these Stop the Struggle Scripts will show you exactly how.

 And if you’re ready to go deeper, I’d love to see you inside the Creating Motivation in Our Kids Masterclass—because when motivation replaces power struggles, homeschooling becomes the joy you always dreamed it would be.

Final Thoughts

You don’t need to do this alone.

If you’re feeling stuck in the daily battles, there’s a way out—and it starts with changing the conversation. That’s what these scripts will help you do.

It’s time to step off the old, worn-down path and start building a new one.

I’m here to help you get there.

You may have not noticed, but I’m NOT the Amanda you’re used to at No Box. My name is Amanda Schenkenberger and if you loved this and want more strategies, insights, and encouragement for homeschooling without constant battles, come join me by signing up for my free newsletter, Confident Homeschool Mom Weekly!

Every week, I share insightful tips to help you:

• Create the homeschool life your family wants
• Make learning more effective and joyful
• Stay consistent without sacrificing connection or rigorous academics

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